It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
