Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
