i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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