My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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