3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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