they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
