hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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