Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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