i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have fence marks all over my body
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
