what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
