i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
