OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
