we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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