If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just had sex on a roof
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
