problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
