Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My balls are so social today.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
where are my eyebrows?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
