she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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