I am puke
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
