plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
