I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
