did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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