Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
