I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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