They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
