so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
