i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The adults are the big ones right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
