he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
