I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
