Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
