Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
