If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
