I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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