I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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