whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
