just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
