its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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