Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
