Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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