i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
