My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
