I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
