My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
3pm strippers are depressing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
