The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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