I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize