pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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