Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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