OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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