"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
