Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
