he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
