Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize