Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
