I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
