do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
