Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
