I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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