I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are two peas in an std pod
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
