Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
