i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
