Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
