it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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