i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
