Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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