i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
