NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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