Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's always time for handjobs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
