Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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