Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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