Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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