the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
