an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
