we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't deserve a penis
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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