What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
